About Holmes (if that is your real name…Bart Simpson!)
- Pretends to be a pharmacist
- (and he has really blue eyes)
- so he can get people to trust him
- (did I mention his eyes were blue?)
- and then he kills them and sells their bodies to science
- (like, totally calm lake blue)
- likes to lure women into his hotel for the Chicago World’s Fair of 1893
- (seriously if the author mentions his blue eyes one more time I might chloroform myself)
His problem?
- he really likes killing people
- that’s pretty much his biggest problem
- he also has a lot of debt and has like fifty names
- but the killing thing is pretty big
Sexxi Points
- the blue eyes, except when I got sick of hearing about them
- confident, a little grabby on the first date, but in a sexy way
- knows a lot about the law, particularly stuff about life insurance
- motivated (but uhm pretty much just to kill people)
- he believes in long bike rides, romantic evenings out, and letter-writing
Boner-Killers
- he killed his boyhood friend
- he killed his cats
- people around him tend to fall off rooftops
- after taking out life insurance policies
- and naming him benefactor
- you only leave his hotel if you’re in a box
- and the basement is a little hot
- ugh, and he only likes blondes
The Verdict?
He killed his cats. The End. Rating: BONER-KILLER
This book also inspires me to learn more about George Ferris, the dude who made the Ferris Wheel. What, you know he’s gotta be romantic.