Meditating with a tiger NBD SMH LOL.

I’m sure you all know the basics of Life of Pi, even if you’ve just seen the cover of the book. Big blue ocean. One boat. A boy and a tiger. It’s not a complicated plot, but, like anything in this world, there’s still just enough room for a pervert like me to have an opinion.

About Pi Patel

• sixteen years old
• son of a zookeeper
• well-off, but manages not to be a dick about it
• spiritual, deep, but not spoiled, like an artist with a trust fund he can’t touch until he’s 35

His problem?

• Stranded at sea on a shitty lifeboat
• without too much know-how
• or supplies
• and his family is dead
• OH AND DID I MENTION THERE’S A TIGER WITH HIM.

Sexxi Points

• HE PUTS THE TIGER’S NEEDS FIRST.
• Like food and water and stuff. He doesn’t have sexual relations with the tiger.
• But I’m sure that tendency translates into other areas.
• Realizes that he needs the tiger too
• and they develop this beautiful relationship where the tiger’s senses alert Pi to danger
• like on that island that eats you in your sleep
• and turns your teeth into flowers
• and they eventually trust each other to live in the same boat
• it’s just such a beautiful relationship
• Circus trainers who beat tigers into doing tricks just don’t get it
• THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO PUT IN THE EFFORT
• oh yeah and he’s pretty deep and spiritual and wise and stuff like that
• and he has survival skills
• and clearly relationship skills
• more impressively, he retains his relationship skills in a survival situation

Boner-Killers

• he has like three religions
• and I have none
• so raising our kids would be really difficult
• and it would have to be that serious, because this guy definitely doesn’t hook up.
• he possibly hallucinated the whole tiger thing
• so yeah he uhm might be prone to some PTSD or shell shock or severe emotional fuckeduppery.

The Verdict?

At the end, he did have a wife and children, so I’ll take that as proof that he doesn’t hallucinate and murder people in his sleep. With machetes. Rating: bien sexxi.

Also, I think I should tell all of you that I’m married to Pi now. Not literally, but spiritually. Like how nuns marry Jesus. Just letting you know.