Wow, this is pretty much exactly as I imagined him.
Who remembers the Animorphs series? Teenagers turn into animals, fight brain-sucking aliens, save the world, lose their souls in the process. In addition to featuring lots of animal sounds, unlikely escapes, and the assistance of a godlike-entity named the Ellimist, the Animorphs also features a tortured soul, whom I love.
Special thanks to the Moonlight Library for the inspiration for this post.
About Tobias
- he’s sort of homeless
- and bounces around between his aunt and uncle
- who don’t care about him
- he thinks his mom is crazy
- but she’s not
- she was just like, kidnapped by aliens
- and then married/had sex with one
- and then the Ellimist took her hot alien man away
- so she’s a little sore about that.
- but anyway back to Tobias
- he’s half-Andalite.
- Andalites are sexy centaurs
- who eat through their feet
His problem?
- He’s trapped in a hawk’s body
- He has to save the world from invading aliens
Sexxi Points
- half centaur sexy alien
- natural warrior or something
- saving the world
- has mind-speaking powers
- and the Ellimist gives him back his morphing powers
- and the ability to temporarily change from hawk to his human form
- but only for two hours
Boner-Killers
- the two hour rule means he can only bone for two hours
- I mean, I guess he can go into the bathroom
- morph into a bird
- then back into a human
- and go again
- he’s got a lot of deeply-rooted childhood neglect issues
- and self-worth/identity issues
- and I do too, so that wouldn’t work
- I need someone with the opposite problem so we can balance out
- like an overinflated ego! Yes. Perfect.
- anyway
- he eats roadkill
- and mice
- and stuff hawks eat because he’s a hawk
- and he has a life expectancy of not very long
- since he’s a damn bird.
The Verdict?
I guess two hours isn’t that bad, but he’s going to have to morph/remorph for proper cuddles. Rating: BIEN SEXXI.
Did you crush on anyone from the series? Is there an alien you’d bang? What about the Hork-Bajir?
