Are you turned on yet?

So hi. I’ve been in school reading shit like The Canterbury Tales, which I have no interest in writing about, and I took a break from being overly critical of fictional characters. Sorry for the hiatus. Since I also carry hearts in a box for Aztec gods (part time), I was immediately drawn to Jess Galvan of “The Dead Run.” Let’s see how he measures up to the ruler:

About Jess Galvan

• wrongfully jailed in Mexico
• for defending a hooker
• who was being gang-raped
• he’s pure of heart
• or something
• until he kills someone in cold blood
• He has to bring a still-beating human heart through the desert
• to some ceremony
• to appease an Aztec god
• and bring about the end of days
• but he’s actually part Aztec god himself.
• Can someone be this flawless?
• Oh, he married a religious nutjob
• Oh well. Spoke too soon.

His problem?

• In addition to the whole still-beating heart, end of days, Aztec god thing, his daughter has also been kidnapped by a cult who wants to rape her/eat her heart/use her as a channel to the Aztec god world/something equally horrifying for a father.

How about now?

Sexxi Points

• there’s the whole “always defending women” thing
• regardless of whether they’re virgins or prostitutes
• which is nice.
• And he loves his daughter.
• Did I mention he’s part god?
• like a very small part, though
• like when I say I’m part Incan, like
• 1/162th of a percent or something.

Boner-Killers

• pawn of evil
• sometimes possessed by a bloodthirsty god
• who I think killed his wife while he was deflowering her or something
• so yeah there’s a lot of weird virgin/whore stuff in this book
• he was in jail
• so he was unable to be with his wife and kid
• so that kind of sucks
• I like when the dudes I’m dating aren’t in prison
• but I’m a bitch like that

The Verdict?

Lots of good qualities, but the whole “might be possessed by an Aztec god” thing is a little crazy. Yes, that’s my way of saying that I would totally go for it. BIEN SEXXI.