This classic centers around shoveling sand forever and it’s basically about the futility of life. It’s one of my favorite books. It’s also a little bit Stockholm syndrome-ish.

About Niki

• likes to collect bugs
• which might indicate an Oedipal complex
• painfully logical
• knows a lot about beetles
• and sand
• innocent and trusting
• which is why it was so easy to trap him into shoveling sand forever

His problem?

• these dudes convinced him to come to their town
• to take a break from collecting bugs
• but then they trapped him in a giant sand castle town
• and gave him to this lonely woman
• who is really good at keeping house
• and then he develops Stockholm syndrome
• and fucks her.
• and he has to shovel sand to keep from drowning in the sand castle town
• and continue fucking the woman who trapped him there

Sexxi Points

• happy with the simple life
• loyal to whoever he’s with
• very strategic, but only when it comes to sand and bugs
• otherwise he wouldn’t have been so easily tricked
• only has eyes for his woman
• but that might be because she’s uhm, the only woman
• refuses to hit her even when it’s obvious she tricked him
• hard-working

Boner-Killers

• loses focus once he’s fat and happy
• hard-working, yes, but not very ambitious
• I mean, he goes from collecting bugs to shoveling sand
• so I doubt he’d ever be able to fully support me as I write books and horny blogs
• for the rest of my life
• seems kind of passive about switching wives
• and getting his new wife imposed on him
• he will kind of sleep with any girl who cooks and sleeps in the nude
• but it’s nice knowing I could have sand in my vagina and he’d still hit that
• on second thought, that sounds painful.
• it hurts when he pee pees
• and some strange stuff comes out of his pee pee
• he doesn’t understand that you can’t shovel up.

The Verdict?

It’s nothing personal, Niki, because you’ve got a lot of good points, but I just don’t want to have to imprison a man to get him to love me. Word of advice, you should stop nailing chicks with only girl in the world syndrome. But…you can’t read my advice because…she’s…not…letting…you. Oh well. I tried. Rating: BONER-KILLER.