Holmes from “Devil in the White City” by Erik Larson


Try not to uhm, die.

About Holmes (if that is your real name…Bart Simpson!)

  • Pretends to be a pharmacist
  • (and he has really blue eyes)
  • so he can get people to trust him
  • (did I mention his eyes were blue?)
  • and then he kills them and sells their bodies to science
  • (like, totally calm lake blue)
  • likes to lure women into his hotel for the Chicago World’s Fair of 1893
  • (seriously if the author mentions his blue eyes one more time I might chloroform myself)

His problem?

  • he really likes killing people
  • that’s pretty much his biggest problem
  • he also has a lot of debt and has like fifty names
  • but the killing thing is pretty big

Sexxi Points

  • the blue eyes, except when I got sick of hearing about them
  • confident, a little grabby on the first date, but in a sexy way
  • knows a lot about the law, particularly stuff about life insurance
  • motivated (but uhm pretty much just to kill people)
  • he believes in long bike rides, romantic evenings out, and letter-writing


  • he killed his boyhood friend
  • he killed his cats
  • people around him tend to fall off rooftops
  • after taking out life insurance policies
  • and naming him benefactor
  • you only leave his hotel if you’re in a box
  • and the basement is a little hot
  • ugh, and he only likes blondes

The Verdict?

He killed his cats. The End. Rating: BONER-KILLER

This book also inspires me to learn more about George Ferris, the dude who made the Ferris Wheel. What, you know he’s gotta be romantic.